on dogs

I volunteered to serve food to the workers at Ground Zero after 9/11. There were dogs trained to find living people. The people who worked with the dogs became worried because the day after day of not finding anyone was beginning to depress the animals. So the people took turns hiding in the rubble so that every now and then a dog could find one of them to be able to carry on.

–Sigourney Weaver, Esquire interview 2009


Dreams IV

The boys being too loud at dinner. Giving a house tour with the architect and FJ. Touching my cheek. The dogs behind the fence and the woman who can’t stop itching. The table made from railroad ties.

Fighting with AS. The fox being dragged under the car. The lions showing up and they won’t let me out of the car to help. Scaling the wall back to my room and pretending to be asleep. Someone throws a spider on me.

I’m sitting in traffic and a trailer full of different birds pulls up next to me. People are standing on a platform inside doing yoga. Sunlight filters through one of the girl’s hair, pineappled on top of her head. I get out to talk to them. Chickens, turkeys but also owls, hawks and one bald eagle. They’re going to be euthanized. I want to write about the girl, so I go back to my car for a pen. A man is stealing my purse and I chase him to a coffee shop where Demosthenians are speaking. He says I should be happy to be here.

Emily’s mother smoking and asking me to not mention the death of her father. Someone pushed Nanna down the stairs.

Mexican tacos at the food hall and Mae has returned.

Prague, forgetting my jacket. Tunnels and apple pickers. Security and the man with his finger in my mouth. Crying. Train over the ocean and snow in Colorado.

O and her mom talking about Dacula. Sneaking back to the house before my flight.

God as a woman and perfectionist. The White House as her pearl.

A new town. Ants on my jacket the next morning. Driving Madre around. Who was the boy?

Dismantling the gun and then going to dinner with Dad, Jake & Mom.

Kittens covered in fleas. The flayed man (GoT). Katie’s portrait on a mountain. Crashing work outfits.

Writing about how to be alone. Interviewing the singer. Kingdom Hearts. Glassblowing and trying to quick-dry the wax.

High school game. O and Wildcat handing out rewards. GSLT. AS playing rugby. Smelling all the candles at the indie store.

Throwing stress-ball baseballs as hard as I can. Orchestra playing. Desire going on a date with the famous guy (noon boon loon something) in the hotel. Taking the elevator to the top floor and turning around.

Basketball/volleyball tournament in Philly but I fall behind and can’t find the gym. Goggles.

Class debate.

My baby boy. Trying to keep him afloat.

Bad times at the Aloft. Parking the wrong way in the lot.

Exploring the abandoned tourboat. Dog guards biting me. My dog named Nicotine (Nic). Hammerheads in the water (you hesitate, you die).

Target and a polar bear. Buying a card for Cait.

Watching the neighbors play soccer.


happy hour hive around the bar
rattle tap tap
a flare of burning rosemary
(the aesthetic) leans along the rim
waitress with the web sashed on her back

rain starting; people underneath the window dart across the streets
man abandons his umbrella
I should’ve remembered how loud it was, how young
couples above their own phones, corners aglow in blue light

sleeping to sirens
talking about Schumer’s glasses, arrests at the Kavanaugh protest
catching myself saying “everyone takes an Uber when it rains”
as a woman pushes an empty shopping cart through the crosswalk

flaming tiki bowls and talking about business names ending with “__________& Daughters”
we’re across the street from the Ethiopian place we ate Christmas dinner, years ago now

Dreams III

Work and the office is in an old house. FJ and the guys at Smoothie King. Flat tire and going to Costco with Jake. Storm and running from the lightning. Olsa? getting hit. Fire at the truck.

Aquarium with Padre and the cousins. The gator being shown around. All the frogs making bubbles across a plane.

National Geographic award ceremony. Going up to DC to surprise everyone. The hotel room door won’t lock.

Defending Bucky in the courtyard from the honey vendor.

Work at the old house again. Everyone has changed into formal attire (bow tie).

Setting up a hot air balloon with Madre. Iguanas between the rocks at the lake. Ants on my feet.

I can talk with the sea, but Madre drowns and I can’t stop it.

The city has flooded and two brothers are running from Chigurh. Hiding in a house with strawberries under the water. One of the boy freezes.

Concert (away from the flood?) and I have to get a bra fitting.

Sitting with Austin and Jake F watching kids play football. Seagulls hovering.

Water in the house: dolphin, manatee stingray swimming around the kids. Chuck in the garage and the dogs trying to get loose.


Conference room. Telling everyone Troy is leaving again.

At a new house with C&P. P building a leaning tower of firewood. Fighting with the roommate and remembering a video IT sent me (déjà vu).

Asking everyone if they’re happy with their lives. The spiral staircase, climbing down to avoid the rush. Finding FJ.

Children running from a monster. Adopting a girl who won’t speak to me. The roses dying in all of the rooms of Nanna’s house.

Dad moving in with Martha.

Business with new investors and I have to sign off on everything. Setting up a new office in a shared building with AS in D.C. Having to find an Airbnb out toward the temple. Getting mugged in the tunnel, they tried to take my phone, purse, and cardboard from the bookcases.

At the Lawrenceville house, dogs barking at the basement door. Basketball drills, but with acrobatics. Abbie’s father asking me about fishing. Talking about the split from Mill Creek.

Traveling through the snow with Wildcat to the concert. Trying to cross the train tracks with Jax. Cait in her Prius. Changes on how we track data in Inpathy.

MIT, solving serial killers’ astrological signs. Superman?

Foxes in the yard and trying to find Renny.

Jake died. Can’t figure out how to tell anyone.

H’s family house, canoeing on the river. Swimming from the snapping turtle. The baby animals on the lawn.

Coming back from ATL and driving the moving truck. Angry with C&P for not trusting my driving. JHT is there and we stop at a fancy Italian restaurant. I’m a mess and I don’t want to go in, but Logan’s father finds me a dress. Excited about the wedding. Visiting the art school where I mess up the eyebrow on a painting. Visiting the zoo and having the otters swim up to us at the fountain. The angry owl protecting its young won’t let us pass through the door. Going back through a tunnel and everything has iced over, the otters hanging like icicles from the ceiling.

Old Nashville with Austin. Kaitlin and Dana in a new house. Walking into a frat house because of the boy making funny faces through the porthole window. Finding a Gabby look-alike and crying.

Work in the old house again. Or school? Talking about NPS for providers.

Human agility competition at Nanna’s house. Huck and Renny running loose. I don’t dodge an arrow fast enough.

Playing Charlize Theron in a movie about PTSD. Her father is the FBI director. Hiding in cupboards. A wedding gone wrong.

Flirting with the game guy.

Two little boys try to mug me.

The house next to the river (Making a Murderer guy) and MMB. 4-wheeling in the truck.

Standardized test and telling Padre I hate him.

Cloudbreak retreat and fighting on the plane.

Camping trip with young Pecos and Athens crew. Meeting up with Mom, Dad and Jake.

The thief and his adopted children.

Walking around Athens with the dogs. Laying in the sunshine.

Elementary school with dogs and Austin. Building rockets. Hiding from the principal (former director at Travel Channel).

Crying boys. The dining hall. Jadzack and others. Sliding down the hill.

Kids running away from abusive father (Clive Owen). Killing the snakes and pouring salt on the plants. Getting to the police station and escaping out the window (like My Absolute Darling).

Negotiating pricing for Cloudbreak. Camping with Wildcat. H’s house in the woods, talking about getting a new puppy. Camille and Annie there. Bathing under the trees.

Skating through the city, broken arm. Sewing up the cast with green thread.

season of the ladybug

this was back before they all died and I packed everything up, split and wrapped for the moving truck crying on the kitchen floor onto the newspaper and champagne glasses we never used

158 in Athens

They took down the hemlock and I dreamt they stripped the other trees too. The back was left with nothing but raspberry pulp and seed. The quaint line of the forgotten greenhouse, finally gone. The weeds tugged from the fence. Nothing left of the ivy-covered everything. My wild home, gone.